Dad refuses to go on family vacation after sister invites his 15-year-old daughter's enemy: 'This kid is a full-fledged nightmare'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 5, 2024 1:00 PM EST

Everybody knows that our teenage years are rarely our easiest. The problem is, there are a lot of teens out there who are all too happy to make it somebody else's problem in the worst of ways. Plenty of kids find this awkward time in their lives being made worse by somebody tormenting them at school, and it's a situation that no parent wants to find their child in. It's understandable that you would try to eradicate this behavior as best as you could.

However, things get a little more complicated when somebody like this has close ties to family. This is an uncomfortable situation that one dad found himself in with her daughter and her enemy, who happens to be close friends with his nephew. When he found out that this boy was joining them on a family holiday, he told her sister that he and his daughter were no longer going. She and the rest of the family took offense, but Reddit thought that he had done the right thing.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10436639488
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITAH for refusing to go on a family trip unless they disinvite my nephew's friend?
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 03
    I (43M) am really close to my family, consisting of my siblings, their spouses, their kids, and my parents. Every year we go on a vacation this time of year for two weeks, and come back right before Christmas. We are supposed to leave a week from today.
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 04
    I am the divorced, single, sole parent to my daughter (15F). She jokingly calls herself a nerd; she's weird, she's quirky, she likes anime and video games and Star Wars, the whole stereotypical nerd thing. She does get bu ied at school, but since leaving middle school and growing up a little more she started taking it better, and mostly it stopped.
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 05
    This one boy, who I will call Jeff (16M, presumably) and is coincidentally my nephew's (who is also sort of an AH) best friend, is an absolute nightmare. I've talked to the school, we've had meetings with his parents, she's switched around classes extensively, but he still goes out of his way to pick on Emily. She has told me herself that she can deal with name calling, but it doesn't stop there. He pulls her hair, rips her clothes, destroys her things, like this kid is a full fledged nightmare.
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 06
    When I was discussing plans with my sister, she brought up needing to buy Jeff a winter coat. When I realized he was going on the trip, I actually almost lost it. I told her admittedly without thinking that we weren't going, and she began begging me, talking about tradition and family and blah blah. I said no, I'll eat my portion of the cost, but we are not going. After a longer conversation, I said I'll go if they disinvite Jeff.
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 07
    We are well off and we are lucky to have grown up in a financially stable home with parents who are attentive and supportive, and for our kids to have done the same. Jeff was not that lucky. He lives in a really unstable environment both financially and emotionally. This was apparent to me from the meetings with his parents, as his father did not care and his mother blamed my daughter for being evil; and these were multiple, separate meetings. This is awful, and I'm sorry that Jeff or any child
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 08
    The conversation went back and forth, mostly just her throwing excuses. Jeff has divorced parents, he grew up differently than us, maybe it's just a crush (ew), so on and so forth. When I reminded her of the fight, she said "I know, but Jeff needs this". She mentioned how he needed a break from his toxic home life, and I respect that, but why does that mean I have to put my daughter in a house with her tormentor for two weeks?
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 09
    I told her I wasn't changing my mind and went home. Now there is pure chaos. My family is split, my parents are begging me to go, I'm getting texts near constantly. My daughter told me she's not going if Jeff is going. She had a full blown panic attack over it. Maybe I'm looking for validation, or maybe I really need a wake up call and I'm just a selfish ah le.
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 10
    ImportantLog2 NTA, Jeff's situation may be tragic, but your priority should always be your daughter, and it sounds like you've got your priorities straight. Stick to your stance. Jeff is not your responsibility, and asking you to sacrifice your daughter's mental well-being for a child who has repeatedly tormented her is downright cruel. I'm guessing he hasn't even apologized and showed remorse, and they expect you and your daughter to roll over for him just because he has it tough. Time for him
    via ImportantLog2
  • 11
    Natural-Mountain-641 OP No real apology, no. They bad to read each other apology letters for their suspension, but that's it. As I said, it's really sad that a child is struggling in the way Jeff is, but my kid doesn't need to pay for that.
    via Natural_Mountain-641
  • 12
    RefrigeratorCold296 Exactly. His situation may be an explanation for his behavior, but it is no excuse. He knows what he is doing is wrong and your daughter should not have to grin and bear it just because your relatives are giving him a pity vacation.
    via RefrigeratorCold296
  • 13
    Grn_Fey Absolutely do NOT go. Can't imagine putting my kid in that position for hours and hours at a time with a tormentor for two weeks. That would be emotionally and potentially physically neglectful as a parent. A lot of her strength and resilience likely comes from feeling protected by her parent/family. You do not want to stop her of her faith in you that you will always have her back.
    via Grn_Fey
  • 14
    Natural-Mountain-641 OP Don't tell anyone but this made me cry
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 15
    JMarchPineville Hold firm. I'd say, "since when does our family reward egregious behavior?
    via JMarchPineville
  • 16
    jahubb062 Yeah, if they are actively choosing an a h le over your daughter, they can cover your costs. If he's never been included before and they know the history, they knew this would be an issue. Absolutely do not go. Have your daughter's back on this. I wouldn't even go if they uninvited him. Because you know comments are going to be made, at least by the nephew. Your daughter is going to be guilt tripped. The vacation has been ruined for the two of you. And if there are any costs you haven'
    via jahubb062
  • 17
    Cin131 THIS. Say this, in addition. I understand that Jeff needs a break, but so does your niece/granddaughter. You all are rewarding his egregious behavior, and punishing your granddaughter. Think about the message you are sending to HER. The one who bu lies her, who is NOT a member of our family, is more important than your niece/granddaughter.
    via Cin131
  • 18
    Bunny_OHara Also ask your sister why she cares more about Jeff than she does her own niece's mental health. Because all she's doing is making it abundantly clear to your poor child that her well-being is pretty low on her priority list right behind a friend of her sons. That also goes for your parents who are also being pretty to their own grandchild. There's just no way in h II'd put up the the attitude that screams of boys will be boys and your daughter needs to be the one to keep the peace.
    via Bunny_OHara
  • 19
    epeeist42 NTA Re "he needed a break from his toxic home life" How about "My daughter needs a break from her toxic school life, being bu ied by Jeff." One question, you've said nephew is AH also, if Jeff is disinvited, would nephew blame your daughter and mistreat her on the trip?
    via epeeist42
  • 20
    bino0526 NTA. Look into filing an RO against Jeff. Don't be guilted or bu ied into going and placing your daughter in harms way. Also, let your family absorb the costs. You shouldn't pay for her bu y to go. Can your daughter change schools? Take care.
    via bino0526
  • 21
    Natural-Mountain-641 OP She can, and I practically begged her to before this last school year, but she really doesn't want to. I think she feels like she's flourishing despite the bu ying situation. She doesn't want to leave her friends or extracurriculars. It drives me up the wall.
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 22
    chrisinokc Your daughter should consider that Jeff will likely escalate his bu ying after this, either because he gets uninvited or because he is made aware of the situation and it adds to whatever motivates him to antagonize your daughter. Your sister has created a no-win situation for your daughter by her blatant disregard for Jeff's bu ying. I don't know what the h I your sister is thinking but she's a very poor aunt at this point.
    via chrisinokc
  • 23
    Natural-Mountain-641 OP You know it's funny, and I didn't include this, but every stupid little point my sister had about why I should feel bad for Jeff I had a solid rebuttal, and she hated that. My daughter's mother and I are divorced, and my ex isn't even around. My daughter gets verbally abused at school and is still one of the sweetest, kindest people you'll ever meet. It was just a bunch of excuses, frankly. I'm mildly appalled because the adults of my family has always been incredible and
    via Natural-Mountain-641
  • 24
    Lilacmemories2020 Jeff is old enough to experience consequences for his actions. Your family is not doing him favors by enabling him. They're guaranteeing his path into criminal behavior. Keep protecting your daughter. She'll remember who had her back.
    via Lilacmemories2020
  • 25
    carolinecrane Your sister doesn't care because she is also raising a horrible little future incel, especially if she keeps letting your nephew hang out with bu ies. Though at this point you shouldn't keep pushing for them to uninvite Jeff. He'll definitely make your daughter pay for it at school if he has his time away from his miserable home life taken away, and you know your nephew will tell him exactly why he can't come. Remind your parents that by going and trying to force you to go, that th
    via carolinecrane
  • 26
    Federal-Wolverine-52 circumstances NTA. I too would be beyond livid!! Under no would I knowingly choose to take a holiday with my kid's harraser. Good on you for setting this boundary. Please do not let them guilt you out of holding it!
    via Federal-Wolverine-52
  • 27
    Natural-Mountain-641 OP Thank you, I appreciate that! I was starting to feel a bit crazy, but it's literally exactly as you said. A vacation with a little sh who hates my kid? Sounds like a grand ol' time.
    via Natural-Mountain-641

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aita teenagers argument family sister reddit thread daughter Reddit mom nephew vacation
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